Assessments

Performers often assess their performances after shows. Here's mine: I have made a total ass of myself yesterday. I don't mind looking like a fool in front of audiences. I can live with personal mistakes (excruciating, but I must bear humiliation and punishment for stupid lapses), but never when they occur at the expense of others. Yesterday I have let my leader down. I have humiliated four dancers in front of tens of audiences. I have shamed them in front of their colleagues. How they managed is inconsequential to me and it doesn't matter that I was able to recover halfway through the number. I have no excuse.

It's amazing how circumstances can take you from the highest high to the lowest. Just this Monday I performed a duet for invocation and three anthems with a violinist friend. Among the audience members were foreigners, representatives from the biggest private corporations in the country, and attendees from different local government units. It wasn't a performance per se (do we count invocations as a performance?). But I felt honored and equally responsible for a good show because I carried the name of my school, and the president the university was present. We made mistakes, but forgivable ones.

Monday was the first time I ever sat and played my guitar in such an atmosphere. Considering that the last "public performance" I gave with my guitar was back in high school. It was a simple, one song number for our class adviser, coming from us graduates. I played alone. As I mentioned, I am dreadfully afraid of solos, which was what made group perfs more bearable pre- and during shows. I don't really know what happened yesterday. I was lead drummer, and I went through all rehearsals (two days' worth) confidently. I know the piece - I have been playing it for the past four years and am as familiar with it as the backs of my hands. I wasn't particularly nervous when it was our turn to play. The result: I fcking missed my beat and I wasn't able to recover.

I felt like an ass seeing the dancers' confused movements, our lead's disappointment painted on her face. Fck fck fck.

Performers always believe they could have done better. We are our worst critics. But often this sentiment isn't just borne out of pride or confidence. Mistakes cannot be erased or redone, and performers always answer to themselves, beyond their team, beyond the dancers and the co-musicians. Right now, I'm just disappointed with myself. I don't think I'll ever live this down and I don't know if I could ever trust myself in the near future. I will forgive in time (in time), but not now. Yesterday was too sickening.

Uke Night

I and a friend attended one of Ukulele Manila's Meet, Strum & Jam sessions (free admission, free short lessons) and was able to play the uke for the first time. It's just soooo cute! And the soprano was smaller than I thought at first.  It felt weird to hold and play it 'cause it was so cute and small :) And my left thumb tired easily 'cause unlike the guitar, I could't rest my palm on the fretboard. Anyway, I tried playing a Susing's, and it was amaaaazing! I didn't really find that a (Sta. Mesa) Lumanog guitar sounded great (though I'd never trade my Lazaro for anything in the world!). Which made me prematurely conclude that all Philippine-guitars are meeh. But after I tried a Susing's uke, I thought whoooooooa!

I've read about Susing's in the past. It's a very famous guitar shop and maker in Cebu (Cebu, you're officially in my bucketlist of places to visit!). Anyway, I've been wanting to buy a pineapple uke, but I played a standard uke during the MSJ (standard meaning the sexy, curvaceous guitar sounding board). I realized the merits of the curvaceous uke when playing standing up: the curves act as anchors across the pelvic area, so I was able to hold the uke steadily even without a sling on.

Uke major chords are weird, especially the ones that need to be barred. Like E (4442) and D (2220). Instead of barring E on the fourth fret, I used three fingers to press the strings. I should warn those with.... er, slightly big fingers: get a concert or the bigger ukes.

If you're interested to buy a uke, visit Ukulele Manila's page. As for me, I'm saving up for a Susing's, which a UM member said would soon be available in their stocks.

Making Progress III: Flamenco x3 x6

Progress, definitely! Re: flamenco triplet, day 6. I can play successive strokes without feeling any pain on my right hand. Switching down and up strokes isn't so weird now too. The trick: minimize excess movements and to keep the thumb out. I don't get trapped in between strings anymore too. Gaaah I wish I could just record it. I wish I recorded the whole thing. The day before yesterday was breakthrough day because it was the first time I made successive strokes without errors. I think it was also the day when my right hand mid and ring finger finally got the rhythm. Right now, I'm just trying to develop consistency and endurance.

Aaaand switching chords (following the Spanish-y progression E-F-G-Am) with my left hand. Since starting I've used my left hand as an anchor, mostly muffling by the strings. The triplet is crazy, and with a guitar the size of mine its really difficult to stabilize the craziness. But once my forearm became more settled and steady (which happened around breakthrough day, too), I found it easier to switch chords.

Once I get the hang of the x3, I'll try other stroke progressions: vv (downMidRing-downThumb)  and v^ (downT-upT). Then more complicated patterns: vv^ vv^ v^ (x3-x3-downTupT). Then off to accents, then percussive effects, then THE WORLD!

Omigash so excited!

Going Solo

I'm writing an artist's bio for something big that I won't share just right now because I'm afraid I might get jinxed. I'm seriously debating whether I should or not write "She's afraid of performing solo," and "She shakes, gets the jitters and messes up the pieces on stage." Then I'll follow it up with "She greatly enjoys making and playing music with other people, though" to counterbalance the first.

I'm also thinking if I should add "She loves to watch the faces of each of her audience members - catch the brilliance in their eyes and store in her memory the wonder etched on their mouths."

Those faces, I don't quite know how to explain them. When I'm on stage I feel like I'm watching the greatest show on Earth: the majesty of a face distorted by the discovery of something beautiful. They're so mystical and they fill my heart with purpose.

This is why I perform. It's all for them.

The Big G

The first classical guitar piece I learned was Minuet in G by Johann Sebastian Bach.

The sheet I used covered the basic melody of the piece, sans the bass notes (rhythm). I worked from the 5th fret onward. Very easy to memorize and great for practice: the notes span up to 5 frets, so the pinkie and all the left fingers are stretched. All six strings are also covered, so the PIMA right hand can be practiced.

Minuet in G is my stretching slash warm-up piece. I play it every day, every time I pick up my guitar. I like speeding it up for better flexibility and accuracy. I used to play it non-stop, and until now I haven't tired of listening to it.

I moved on to the more complicated melody + rhythm version about a month after burning the first version. I immediately fell in love with the sound of the bass notes along with the melody. This version takes up til the 9th fret, so I can practice moving through the fingerboard. The addition of the bass notes complicates the left hand positions, but they're manageable. The sheet I linked does not have a notation for 1234 and PAMI (except the 0s there), but I use all of them... figure it out :)

My crux is always on the 19th bar. My index finger tends to look sooo out of place and awkwardly apart, and the rest of my fingers (2 and 4 especially) go crazy when I press the strings. I tend to slow down at this portion. I can swing it when I position my left hand closer to the fingerboard, but that index just shoots up sometimes I couldn't control it! Oh well, time and practice.

This piece was also my (re)introduction to sheet reading. The two sheets don't have tabs, so I was really forced to read notes. Both versions are very basic though.

I eat Big G for breakfast, lunch, merienda and dinner. Lemme know how this piece figures in your repertoire. If you use other warm-up pieces, feel free to share.

Mar 11, 2013. Just uploaded this video. Sorry for the poor audio -- I didn't use a mic when I recorded. Didn't have one. Anyway, my messy fingering clearly says this rendition sucks. As usual, I had a difficult time through the crux. My left hand fingers are also still awkwardly apart. Wild vibrato action there too. Hmmm, when in doubt record your practice sessions. Any specific pointers on improvement?

Happy Decade!

According to my Virtual Library, I have been playing the guitar for approximately 10 years today.

10 years, my gah!

And what have I to show for it?

Shaky fingers, stringy sounds, long gaps, cringe-inducing phrasing and furrowed brows. Still.

But! I have moved on from pop songs to classical pieces. I started last year. I was amazed to find out how tremendously tenacious Grade 7 music class could be. Every Good Boy Does Fine. E-G-B-D-F corresponding to the lines on the staff. F-A-C-E to the spaces. #hashtags for sharps. A particularly snobbish "b" for the flats. Thanks, Ms. Apilado (Yes, I remember her name. As well as the length of her hair and the way she twirled the loose strands, one hand reaching way across her back while with the other conducted the class on a number of church hymns). These four basic tenets got me through reading the sheet music for Bach's Minuet in G.

And all I thought then was just to get passing marks on tests and how unfair it was that I had to sit through class while some classmates merely played the piano and sang under direct tutelage in their separate music sessions.

Oh well.

Five months after the life-changing switch to classical and I'm still playing Minuet. I've been playing this piece so much my brother can cue in the rougher parts and Mama can point out my recurring mistakes. Heck, even if I drop playing it now I think it'll stick well.

Anyway, Happy 10 Years my lovely calloused fingers! My pumped up veins and tired wrist! I'm still having trouble with bars and hammers, but my left pinkie is happily robust and growing more confident every day!